Rainbow of Hope Project
After every storm there is a Rainbow of Hope
I started this journey 6 years ago when that word "pregnant" popped up on the test in June 2011. Those hopes died when my daughter was born "still," months later in November. New hopes and dreams rose once again a few months later but again died with the death of my 6 week old son. With every pregnancy announcement and every joyful birth, instead of being happy and excited for the new parents, I like most baby loss women felt jealous and cried. When would it be my turn? Would I have a rainbow baby? Was I that lucky? I kept clinging to hope, waiting and wishing for my day to come. That day would finally come 4 years after losing Asher, 5 years after losing Olivia. But would hope get me through this next journey which would be exciting and so full of fear? Would this baby live? Hope was all I could hold on to. I saw other baby loss families welcome their rainbows and that brought me so much hope that I too could have that ending. 7 months after learning I was pregnant, my rainbow would come crashing into this World, 6 1/2 weeks early fierce as can be. She was here! She was tiny but she was a miracle, a fighter like her brother. Hanging on to hope got me to that moment.
I wanted to start this project as inspiration to those moms out there grasping at hope and waiting for their day to come because I know that heartache. I know the pain of waiting and wondering if it'll ever happen. Your day will come brave mommas.
My mother-in-law recently said "There is nothing that warms my heart more than seeing my child ecstatically happy with his child. Life is complete and the tears in my eyes are happy. The gratitude and appreciation that I have of my son and his beautiful wife having another child after the heartache that they've experienced doesn't hold a candle to any heartache I've experienced. Thank you to my son and daughter in law for the truest courage that exists." I so loved and appreciated this because to try for another baby after a loss is realizing that there may not be a happy ending. Not all are ready for that heartache again and not all are able to try again. This is why I have one mom in the project that is a rainbow mom by fostering her rainbow (all her kids have been adopted through fostering). Most may not see her as a rainbow mom but through fostering this baby, it has brought joy and life back to her and her boys, all adopted. This is what a rainbow baby does. They don't take away your grief but they bring new joy and life into your life.
This project started with an idea and took months to complete and fully put together. I needed to find a photographer that would take my idea (I had no ideas for the back drop) and run creatively with it and that she did. Karolina Brandt of Enamored by Kuki sent me an idea and kept expanding on it to make it become this beautiful project. I could never have come up with the ideas she had. The week of the shoot was cold and rainy and we were unsure if we would be able to go forth with the project. Karolina was adamant on this photo shoot not being done indoors. The day of the shoot was perfect! It rained off and on throughout the day as 8 moms got hair and make up done by our volunteer glam squad. The rain completely stopped by the time it was ready to shoot. The cloudiness in the sky was perfect to represent the grief, the storm as our rainbows gleamed for the camera.
Each of the moms represent miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant loss to a stroke, CHD, and blood clots. A couple of us had more than one loss for different reasons. I remember when I lost Asher feeling very shameful because who loses two babies to two different things? What was wrong with me? But the truth is, so many feel this way after a miscarriage, a stillbirth, and infant loss. And why? We can't control what happens, we didn't choose this but somehow it's the path we went down. And all of us chose to be brave, share our stories in hopes of inspiring someone else and bringing hope to someone else new on this journey feeling lost. I hope this project helps another family clinging to hope and I can't wait till you too welcome your rainbow.
I wanted to start this project as inspiration to those moms out there grasping at hope and waiting for their day to come because I know that heartache. I know the pain of waiting and wondering if it'll ever happen. Your day will come brave mommas.
My mother-in-law recently said "There is nothing that warms my heart more than seeing my child ecstatically happy with his child. Life is complete and the tears in my eyes are happy. The gratitude and appreciation that I have of my son and his beautiful wife having another child after the heartache that they've experienced doesn't hold a candle to any heartache I've experienced. Thank you to my son and daughter in law for the truest courage that exists." I so loved and appreciated this because to try for another baby after a loss is realizing that there may not be a happy ending. Not all are ready for that heartache again and not all are able to try again. This is why I have one mom in the project that is a rainbow mom by fostering her rainbow (all her kids have been adopted through fostering). Most may not see her as a rainbow mom but through fostering this baby, it has brought joy and life back to her and her boys, all adopted. This is what a rainbow baby does. They don't take away your grief but they bring new joy and life into your life.
This project started with an idea and took months to complete and fully put together. I needed to find a photographer that would take my idea (I had no ideas for the back drop) and run creatively with it and that she did. Karolina Brandt of Enamored by Kuki sent me an idea and kept expanding on it to make it become this beautiful project. I could never have come up with the ideas she had. The week of the shoot was cold and rainy and we were unsure if we would be able to go forth with the project. Karolina was adamant on this photo shoot not being done indoors. The day of the shoot was perfect! It rained off and on throughout the day as 8 moms got hair and make up done by our volunteer glam squad. The rain completely stopped by the time it was ready to shoot. The cloudiness in the sky was perfect to represent the grief, the storm as our rainbows gleamed for the camera.
Each of the moms represent miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant loss to a stroke, CHD, and blood clots. A couple of us had more than one loss for different reasons. I remember when I lost Asher feeling very shameful because who loses two babies to two different things? What was wrong with me? But the truth is, so many feel this way after a miscarriage, a stillbirth, and infant loss. And why? We can't control what happens, we didn't choose this but somehow it's the path we went down. And all of us chose to be brave, share our stories in hopes of inspiring someone else and bringing hope to someone else new on this journey feeling lost. I hope this project helps another family clinging to hope and I can't wait till you too welcome your rainbow.
"Everyone grieves differently but the one thing we all have in common is LOVE."
Jen DeBouver
Jen is a bereaved mom of 2, Olivia and Asher and a rainbow mom to Nina. Jen and her husband JD started Asher James Congenital Heart Disease & Thrombosis Foundation after losing Asher to provide support and awareness in children's blood clots. In the past Jen was the bereavement coordinator for Mended Little Hearts National and Mended Little Hearts of Chicago (now PCHA-IL). She decided to take a break to focus on her rainbow after all. She continues to do projects such as Grief: A Mother's Project and currently the Rainbow of Hope Project. Each year her and her husband hold a softball event for Asher's birthday which includes collecting something (stuffed puppy or dog or books) to donate to CHD patients at Lurie Children's Hospital. She also works with her sister-in-law to collect blankets for Olivia's Blankets in memory of Olivia. Jen has been featured in Chicago Parent Magazine sharing her story of loss and remembrance. She has also been a guest for Walking with Families Podcast and has written several other pieces for CBS, PCHA's blog and other newsletters on bereavement, CHD and blood clots and has been interviewed by several other magazines (blood clots, MLH Angel Boxes) and blogs for Varcity Apparel. Jen and her husband JD were guest for Stop the Clot's Capitol Hill Briefing, sharing Asher's story. Jen has also been to Washington D.C. to advocate for CHD. Jen is very open about her losses and feels that by being open she can help others by speaking about their own loss or help others to learn how to be sensitive to those that have gone through a loss. |
Ashley Ruud
Ashley is a mother of 3 children here on earth and 3 angel babies. After her first daughter was born with a CHD she has been involved with Mended Little Hearts and PCHA as a coordinator planning events and offering support for other heart families. Given the opportunity like this project, Ashley likes to help spread awareness about child loss by sharing her story of loss and hope.
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Tori Smith
Tori is a mom to six and currently fostering her seventh. One grown daughter and six young sons. Three of her sons have CHD’s. Sterling is the sixth child and was a very happy, healthy looking 13 month old until his sudden death. It would take eight months after his death for his family to get answers as to what took Sterling from them, multiple congenital heart defects. At that moment, Tori knew she had to do something. She uses social media to raise awareness and to connect with other CHD families, started Sterling’s Heart Loveys and is beginning to speak more publicly to raise CHD awareness. She has been invited to join the 2016 Consumer Task Force for Baby’s First Test, the nation’s educational resource center for newborn screening. Tori has also joined with the Pediatric Congenital Heart Association, Illinois chapter as both state advocacy and a support group in her hometown. She has been to Washington, D.C. multiple times to advocate for funding for research for CHD and is now beginning to advocate for the better screenings and follow up of our foster babies and children.
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Amelia Kowalisyn
Photo Credit: Purple Peony Photography
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Amelia is the proud mother to two sets of twins and both sets are rainbow babies! Amelia had two miscarriages prior to giving birth to Alex and Emma her first set of twins who were born in 2014 at just 31 weeks old. Emma passed away at 23 days old due to a severe stroke in utero and Alex came home from the NICU at 29 days old the day after his sisters funeral. After lots of prayer and two more miscarriages, Amelia is now pregnant with her second set of twins Cameron and Christian who are due this July.
Shortly after Amelia and her husband Joe lost their sweet daughter Emma, they established their charity Emma’s Footprints which provides support and care packages to both NICU and bereaved families who have experienced infant loss. Amelia and her husband have provided countless care packages to families all over the United States as well as have donated seven CuddleCots to local hospitals in their area. They feel very blessed to be able to help others while honoring their daughter’s memory. Amelia also speaks openly about her experiences whenever she can to help break the silence on infant loss. Most recently Amelia was the Director of Outreach for the On Coming Alive Project and hosted as well as spoke at their bereaved parent’s workshops that took place this past fall. Amelia is a member of the Alliance of Perinatal Bereavement and Palliative Care Facilitators of Northern Illinois and has been featured in the Newborn & Infant Nursing Reviews Journal regarding NICU and OBYGN care for preemie and infant loss families. Amelia feels that sharing her story and being open about the pain as well as the healing that comes in time after the loss of a child has been an important part to her journey and her mission to helping other families. She encourages families to look for the joy that can be found because of the love we have for our children and tries to find joy in each day as she raises her son Alex and anticipates the arrival of her new bundles of joy Cameron and Christian. You can Find Emma’s Footprints on Facebook And follow Amelia’s families journey on Instagram at: @kowalisynkiddos |
Lauren Walker
Lauren, mom to angel Carolyn and rainbow Martin, created The Little Cricket Society in Carolyn’s memory. The volunteer group cooks meals and bakes cookies at the Ronald McDonald House in the Chicago area several times a year. The Society also collects toys to donate to the local children’s hospital on Carolyn’s birthday.
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Amber Whetham
Amber Whetham is the mother of angel Drew and rainbow Dylan. After the passing of her only child at only 77 days old Amber desperately needed something to keep her mind busy while grieving. That's when Amber decided to start Drew's Gifts From Heaven. Drew's Gifts sends gifts to bereaved parents after loss and for three holidays (Christmas, Mother's Day, and Father's Day). Drew's Gifts tries to spread infant loss and congenital heart defect awareness. Drew's Gifts also does special events for special days like Drew's birthday and heart month in February. Drew's Gifts have done blood drives, toy drives, random acts of sweetness days, and frog Wubbanub sponsorships which is called Project Mr. Frog. Drives support Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis, IN.
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Jean Plunckett
Jean is a stay at home mom of 2 children - big brother Jaxson, who will be attending preschool in the Fall, and rainbow baby Ms. Emily. She lost her job back in May of 2012 and spent months looking for work, only to find out in October of that year that she was pregnant with her first. Her husband retired from the military in October 2012 and is a huge reason as to why she has the honor and ability to stay home and raise her children. As a family they spend a lot of time traveling to see family that lives out of state! They enjoy going to baseball games in the summer and spending as much time outdoors as they can! Jean enjoys getting her toes done as time allows, in addition to those alone trips to Target! She loves to bake and cook and enjoys trying new recipes and using her family as guinea pigs! Once both kids are in school full time, Jean will hopefully find a part time job. As much as she LOVES being a stay at home mom, she does miss work. For now, Jean will enjoy the gift of being able to raise her children, hopefully giving them a life they can look back on with smiles and wonderful memories.
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Stefanie Sotka
Stefanie Sotka is a mother to 4 beautiful children; 1 daughter who was before grieving and 2 rainbow babies. Stefanie‘s first son, Sam, was stillborn at 38 weeks, on his daddy’s birthday in 2011. She had a textbook pregnancy with no complications. Went into labor, arrived at the hospital, only to be told Sam did not have a heat beat. After, extensive testing, she and her family are left with no answers as to why Sam had to leave. They are only left with his memory and a promise, Sam’s Promise, to never forget.
Sam was just one of the 24,000 babies that were stillborn in 2011, the number of babies that are gone too soon each year in the United States. Keeping Sam’s Promise, Stefanie shares Sam every chance she gets. As a facilitator for the MISS Foundation’s Northern IL Chapter, she supports parents that have suffered a similar loss. She originally found comfort in the organization in the early months of grieving and found out how much sharing and like support means to a grieving parent, she took measures to begin her own chapter. Stefanie and her family continue to honor and remember Sam by supporting families of loss every year on Sam’s birthday, May 9th. Under the name, Sam’s Promise, they donate items to the hospital where Sam was born. In the past years, they have donated hats, Kleenex, and recently, teddy bears for the siblings who have to endure lost hopes and dreams of a new siblings coming home. |
The Photographer behind the Project
Karolina Brandt
Enamored by Kuki
Im a mother of two; Elise a 10 year old with a heart of gold and the dreams to experience every gift of this worlds wonder. Evan a 8 year old who's first few years had brought more curveballs then I would have ever imagined, from starting his life in the NICU, to open heart surgeries at 5 months, developmental delays, and so on, but that's not what defines him, it's his love for people, his smile, and his playful manner that makes him the beautiful person he is.
I'm an RN; as a nurse I works with women and adolescents in a residential treatment facility where they can overcome mood disorders, substance abuse, and eating disorders. I also take pride in volunteering my time leading a self care life skills group at a residential home where women have been sexually exploited. I'm a photographer; photography has been a passion of mine since high school, good ol film and dark room days. When the stress of nursing school started to hit, my creative outlet became my photos. A hobbyist then turned professional, apart from my own business I work along side another photography studio for weddings and events. Giving back to communities through work and passion is very important to me. Praising life when troubles and strife can keep you down. That's why this Rainbow project is important to me and to show the beauty in these women, their families, and their life. Please take a moment and find the darkness, light, color, and mood in this gallery. Enjoy! |
Videographer Behind the Videos
Emily Farr
Trickster Gallery
Emily graduated cum laude from Illinois State University with a Bachelor of Arts in December 2015, where she double majored in Arts Technology and Studio Art: Drawing. There she learned about ways to integrate technology and the arts to achieve different goals by using and combining diverse mediums, such as video, graphic design, illustration, sculpture, web design and development, programming, and others. Emily interned at Trickster Art Gallery in the summer of 2014 where she began helping them with video projects, and later interned at the College of Arts and Sciences: IT as a web designer/developer. She now works at Trickster Art Gallery under the title Multimedia Specialist/Program Assistant, where she manages the website, film events, edit footage, helps create and edit various types of media for gallery use, and assists with gallery operations in general.
The Glam Squad
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CBS 2 Chicago News Story
Gallery Showcase
Trickster Gallery
190 S. Roselle Rd.
Schaumburg, IL
www.trickstergallery.com
Rainbow of Hope Project on display June 17th through the end of July.
190 S. Roselle Rd.
Schaumburg, IL
www.trickstergallery.com
Rainbow of Hope Project on display June 17th through the end of July.
Rainbow of Hope Project - Dad or Family Edition
I am looking for additional Rainbow Mommas and Babies and even Dads and Siblings that would like to be part of this project. Please complete the form with a brief comment of your story of miscarriage, stillbirth or infant/child loss. I am looking for a variety of stories and will pick some to be included in the dad or family edition. You will be contacted for a photo shoot if I choose your story. This project is in the works for next year. Check back here for details or the Dear Olivia Madilynn facebook page.