Each day a new reminder that her first birthday is quickly approaching. An email telling your baby Happy Birthday, that they're reaching a new milestone. Then the tears start flowing because for you, you are reaching a new milestone too. You are celebrating a first birthday with your precious baby, a milestone you have never gotten to reach before and one you thought was never possible.
Over this past year we have watched this precious baby girl grow from a 3 lb 12 oz preemie to a stocky little rambunctious ball of sunshine in pink converse. She has brought more joy than we ever thought could be possible.
A year ago, I was put in the hospital for severe preeclampsia. I was told at 33 weeks that my baby girl would be coming way sooner than I was ready for. I was completely terrified of losing yet another baby, spending weeks in yet another hospital and really pissed that I couldn't just have one pregnancy (my last) go as planned. I met with the NICU doctor the night before she was born and I told him I just wanted to hold her before they took her. He told me as long as she was breathing well that I should be able to hold her. Being born that early they were worried about her lungs.
Nina was born at 11:52am on Thursday, July 7, 2016. I was induced at 8am, already dilated to a 4. At about 11:15am I told the nurse I was having contractions and needed to push soon. She told me there was no way I could be fully dilated. When she checked, she said "don't push, your water is right there and her head is right behind it." She left to call the doctor. All I know is everything happened so fast. My husband and I were left in the room with a nurse who was 9 months pregnant. I had a contraction. My legs were stretched out and crossed. With that contraction, I moved my leg and my water came gushing out and right behind that came Nina.....screaming her lungs out. And that is how our little sunshine came crashing into this World......And I got to hold her.
This picture was taken on 4th of July. I was 33 weeks 1 day. The next day I had a maternal fetal medicine appointment. My blood pressure was high at the appointment as it usually is but this time I had protein in my urine so I was sent to labor and delivery for a few hours of monitoring. A few hours turned into 24 hours of monitoring and urine collection. The next day, we learned that I had severe preeclampsia and would have to deliver - 6 1/2 weeks early.
I can't believe I am getting so close. I've been having a lot of Braxton Hicks plus back pain in general. I have also been doing way more than I should be because I have been trying to do too much but after thinking I would actually go into labor, I have been taking it easy.
I was sleeping because I have been worried about making arrangements for my dogs, having the house ready and having the hospital bags packed. We got all of that done and I was able to sleep......but then I had a new worry. I'm so close to the end, what if it is all taken away from us? I know she is healthy but I also know that a stillbirth can happen anytime for no reason at all. It's terrifying to think that we have come so close to have it taken from us. These thoughts and her not moving as much kept me up the other night. Luckily she returned back to her active self. I am very thankful that she is so active so that those worries are very few.
Today starts weekly testing of ultrasounds and non stress tests. Having these tests every week, I think are just going to help calm me even more until the end. I so appreciate the extra testing from my doctors and the fact that I don't have to ask for them. I love how closely they are watching us.
Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our maternity shoot with Mina Brown Photography. She did such an amazing job on our pictures and was great to work with.
Time is going by so fast and I have gotten so far behind on this blog, of course. It is so scary how fast time is going by and seems so unreal. In these past few weeks we have gotten maternity pictures done, gotten her room set up and are in the process of redoing some rooms in our house. I just hope we get it all done in time.
We have our birth plan/delivery day in mind and know what we want. I just hope it all goes as planned. At 36 weeks we talk with the doctor about what the delivery plan is. I'm hoping to have a date to be induced just because I am a planner and like to have everything planned and arranged in advance, especially for my fur babies.
Here is a little of her room.
This pregnancy went from being really slow to moving really fast. I feel like I have so much to do and not a lot of time left to do it.
During these weeks we had Nina's echocardiogram to check her heart in more detail for CHDs. Her heart still looks great with no major heart defects. We couldn't be more relieved about that news.
She is a very active girl. During the echo she was rolling all over the place and putting her legs and feet in front of her face. She kicks a lot and I couldn't be happier to feel her move all the time.
Apparently I have been really behind on blogging through this pregnancy. I would like to say it's because I have been busy but really I'm just forgetful and have so much on my mind right now.
We found out at our 20 week ultrasound (really 21 because they had my due date off) that our little rainbow Nina is completely healthy. I was a complete mess waiting for that appointment. We were in Columbus, OH the weekend before the appointment for a Blackhawks game (week 20 photo) so that helped keep my mind off of it. The day after we got back was the appointment - at the end of the day, ugh! We had to see the genetic counselor first which was really pointless because we have already had that appointment so there was nothing new. The counselor just tried going over statistics with us and kept reassuring us that it was all low numbers. We've been that low number before.
Finally an hour later we had the ultrasound and had a really good ultrasound tech who explained everything to us. At one point Nina had her hand behind her head and wouldn't move it. That made me a little nervous because Asher did the same thing during his 20 week scan but had his hand over his heart which resulted in finding out about his CHD 6 weeks later. Luckily Nina wasn't hiding anything, she was just relaxing.
Now that we know she is healthy, we are kinda freaking out at how much we have to get done before she gets here. I have gone in full blown nesting mode as JD calls it. I'll feel better once the house is cleaned and the house is ready.
I feel like this pregnancy is going by so slow..... It could be because I am usually really busy but have had a fairly free schedule which has made me a little bored. April is pretty busy so maybe time will go by a little faster.
I have gotten a lot of my energy back but still have to watch how much I do because I do tire easy and my back starts hurting. I think I had a pinched nerve for a week or so because it kept hurting on one side. I went to the chiropractor and the pain switched to the other side. I did some yoga stretches and that seemed to help.
I'm not as nauseous as I was. Every now and then I get nauseous from certain things. Nina is starting to kick and they are getting stronger. Maybe in the next week her daddy will be able to feel her.
We have two more weeks until we get the full anatomy check and get that heart looked at. I have been a little nervous and panicky about her making it and I am hoping that once we have this appointment some of my fears will go away. Probably not though....I'm sure I'll just find new ones. I have had a hard time sleeping because I either wake up with my back hurting or scared that I'm smashing her. And now that she is moving, I start worrying that she isn't moving enough or isn't getting strong enough and then I have to remember that she is only 4 1/2 inches. Don't tell my husband because he'll only say I told you so. He knew I would worry about that long before it even happened.
I've been asked what animal I'll associate with this baby since I have one for Olivia and Asher. I wasn't sure until I remembered something. After losing Asher I started running to lose the baby weight and it also helped with my grief. I used to think, cry and ask about my future on these runs. I was always so sure that I'd never be a mom to a living child. On these runs, a white butterfly would follow me and at the end of the run there would be a bunny. Somehow seeing the bunny at the end would make me feel better.
I ordered these custom flowers from @somethingfelt to make a rainbow maternity sash for my gender reveal but having a party didn't work out and we just did it at our fundraiser. I decided to make a wreath for our little girl's nursery door. I went to @joann_stores to get a wreath and saw this bunny wreath. The two white flowers represent Olivia and Asher.
I really love the way it turned out. And I know this little girl will pick what she loves and associates with herself but for now I get to pick a bunny.#debouverrainbow #feltflowers #bunnywreath#babyloss #oliviaandasher #diy #diyproject