Hiding this little rainbow is getting harder and harder to do. My pants no longer button so now I am using the Bella Band to still be able to wear my regular jeans. For the most part I feel great. Tired and a little morning sickness although I don't mind when I do have morning sickness cause it lets me know baby is still growing. I have another appointment on Monday and then we may be sharing the news if everything goes well.
We had a #RememberOurHearts photo shoot on Saturday for Mended Little Hearts of Chicago as part of a CHD Awareness photo gallery we are doing during February. We added our little rainbow's ultrasound and little moccasins to the photo to use as an announcement which we had planned on doing at 12 weeks after Opening Night but not sure we will be able to make it that long.
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I had my first appointment on New Year's Eve. I was the first appointment of the morning and a complete nervous wreck. JD was working and unable to come with me. I just wanted to get the first appointment out of the way for some positive reassurance but now it probably would have been better to take someone with me or to have waited another week. The doctor was over 30 minutes late which didn't help with my nerves. He finally came in and we did the ultrasound. He told me that the baby didn't look as far a long as they have me down. Maybe I am a week behind so he scheduled me for another ultrasound in 2 weeks. He told me to let him know if there was any bleeding. For someone that is already nervous and worried, hearing all of that was not reassuring or positive. It just made me worry that much more. My doctor is usually pretty good about not freaking me out. So I came home and panicked. I pulled out Asher's baby book and compared ultrasounds. To me they look almost exact and this baby's ultrasound is a week earlier. Also, he told me the same thing with Asher, that I was a week behind and by the end of the pregnancy they realized my due date was wrong. Knowing both of those reassured me a bit. I'm still worried because it's hard not to worry that we will lose this baby too but I am very hopeful that this one gets to stay. After I calmed myself down, I went on facebook and I saw this. I love it and is something I want to remember throughout this pregnancy.
This week, the week of New Year's I am 6 weeks. I am starting to get morning sickness....right around dinner time which is the same time I would get it with Olivia. I have no real cravings although yesterday a burger sounded so good to me. I haven't eaten a burger in months. I am starting to show but I'm showing a little high so I can still fit my regular jeans so that's a plus. I don't own a lot of flowy, baggy shirts so hiding this will get tricky. This week no one is really around work so I have just been wearing black which hides it well.
Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment and I am really nervous. My husband has to work so I will be going alone. I'm just ready to go for the doctor to tell me this is really happening and what to expect from appointments, although I have gone over the plan with him so many times. I think that once I go to my appointment, I will be a little more excited to share the news. I have been dreaming and hoping for this baby for two years now but I am so nervous about sharing it with the World. This is my last pregnancy and I do want to make sure I enjoy every bit of it especially doing the announcements the way I want (that will be another post on what I have planned). I'm trying to make sure I have complete control over every bit of this pregnancy which may mean I end up doing things outside of the norm but I'm ok with that. I have to do what makes me feel good and happy. This week baby is the size of a sesame seed and it's heart is growing it's 4 chambers. I'm praying for a healthy heart. I'm a little over 5 weeks now and still a little in shock and a whole lot of nervous. I haven't shared the news with anyone except a couple close friends. Right now it just doesn't seem real, at least not until I go to the doctor. My first appointment is not for another week. I have been feeling pretty good. I do pregnancy yoga every morning which has really helped with the nausea. Other than that we are both terrified at losing this baby. When we talk about it, we say "If this one lives..." It's sad that this is our reality. I have so many ideas for the announcements, etc through the pregnancy. No matter what happens with this baby, I want to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy because it will be my last. Christmas came a bit early for me. I was 5 days late before I ever took a test. There have been so many months where I thought I was pregnant only to have my heart broken and I just didn't want to deal with that on top of Christmas so I kept waiting. I kinda knew I was pregnant but didn't want to get my hopes up. I was in complete shock when I saw the YES. I feel like I am still in shock.
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About MeI have experienced two separate losses to stillbirth and infant loss to CHD and blood clots. This is my online journal with my 3rd pregnancy, my rainbow. Archives
July 2017
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